My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
