Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
