I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
