A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
