I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
