We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
