WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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