I met the friendliest cop last night
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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