I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
