Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The uberlube is also flammable
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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