the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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