you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
