I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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