I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
