dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
