Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
