i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
