Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
