He disabled his match.com account in front of me
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
