So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Shitshow foam night was such a success
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
