Can i not drive my cunt home
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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