I accidentally burped into my bong.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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