He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
