why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
