My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
