remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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