dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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