We won't sleep together?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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