Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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