They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
