She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
