trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
