Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
