the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
