Where are you?
In a non slutty way
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
