he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
