The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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