So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
