We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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