Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
