Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
how does that bad decision feel?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
