I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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