I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
