HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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