Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Do vagina's smell?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
