Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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