R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
third nipple confirmed
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
