Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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