so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
