Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
