I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
