At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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