Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
