I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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