I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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